Happy Mothers day all my blogging Mummy friends. I hope your little ones (or not so little ones) are looking after you today. I was very lucky and had breakfast in bed made by my youngest and hubby...for the 1st time ever...and I liked it..lots!
As many of you know, my dear Mum passed away in 2004. To this day I miss her dreadfully.
I've never been totally honest as why she died with friends, I suppose it's because I'm embarrassed and annoyed.
My Mum's demise came down to alcohol. I can't even bring myself to say she was an alcoholic.
The funny thing is, all through my life she was always ill with one thing or another and even battled breast cancer and beat it. But she was always convinced she was seriously ill with one thing or another. She lived on her nerves and battled depression and agoraphobia.
The irony is that she had a clean bill of health apart from a knackered liver all due to the dreaded drink....which she turned to in later years. She would have bottles of the stuff hidden all over the house.
Sometimes I get annoyed with myself for feeling angry with her for leaving us on these terms.
I even feel guilty if I have glass of wine at home as I'm scared I'll turn into her.
But nothing changes with the fact she was still my Mum and I miss her dreadfully and although I never said it to her face I loved her lots.
Have a great Mother Day.
Sue x
My Mam has been an alcoholic since I was about 12 and my Dad is quite a drinker too, he doesnt rely on it or hide it like my Mam though. I always used to bring it up when I was young but my dad and no one else ever took any notice until I was about 16 which is the first time she was taken into hospital for alcohol withdrawl which scared us all. Since then she has been on and off the drink and in and out of hospital for the same thing about 6 or 7 times since I was 16 (Im 32 now). I was brought up with a normal childhood with great parents, it was just the alcoholism that changed things later on. I always avoid her when I know shes drinking again as it angers me and it also makes me slightly angry towards my Dad for letting her drink even though I know he can't do anything. I remember too that I used to find bottles of vodka hidden all around the house from under her mattress, in clothing in wardrobes and in cupboards. I get on with them both really well when shes not drinking which makes it sad when she starts again (mainly around xmas, birthdays and the anniversary of the death of her father, my Grandad)then she ends up in hospital and the cycle begins. Its just part of life to me now and Ive learned to deal with it. I drank when I was in my teens but gave up when I was about 20, I wasn't scared that I would end up like her, I just resented what it does to people and didn't want to be part of it. I started drinking again a couple of years ago but its still rare that I do drink. If anything happens to my mam I will still miss her loads like you do with yours, Im always aware that the next time shes hospitalised could be the end and I dread it.
ReplyDeleteAnyway on a lighter note I hope you've been spoilt loads by your children and had a great day! xx
I found this post very moving Sue and am sending you warm wishes, for what that's worth.
ReplyDeleteAww hun I know how hard it is when mothers and in my case my grandmother have alcohol troubles. My Nan died of a brain hemorage, possibly brought on by the alcohol consumption in the day prior to her death, when we cleared out her house we found bottles under matteress, at the back of the cupboard, everywhere!
ReplyDeleteI dont really drink, and for that reason, like you I worry I will turn into her and I dont want to. The experiences I had with her also put me off alcohol anyway.
Big hugs and I hope you had a nice mothers day xx
Thanks Lynsey, thanks Max. Yes, I've had a lovely day. My two have looked after me very well (and they have not been bickering too much either which is a miracle!) Unfortunately my Mum gave up on life when her Mum died. I was 9 at the time and she was never the same after that. I can see my Dad doing pretty much the same now with regards to drink - which is not helped by the fact that he makes his own. But he's nearly 83 and he's not going to listen to me now is he. S x
ReplyDeleteThanks Hayley, you don't realise just how many families it touches do you. S x
ReplyDeleteOh Sue
ReplyDeleteThat was a very moving post.
Apparently my Grandmother was an alcoholic - although she died, bless her, before I was born.
This subject touches many families so you should never feel ashamed.
Grief is hard - and brings with it many different emotions at many different times. But as you say, what doesn't change is that she was your Mother - and you loved her and will always continue to do so - those two facts will always be. Hopefully they provide you comfort in your darkest moments.
Happy Mothers Day to you - and all mothers - both in this world and the next.
Houdini x
a very moving post.
ReplyDeleteHappy mothers day xxx
Bless you Sue. Alcohol has terrible effects on so many people and every family has a drunk skeleton in the closet...xxx
ReplyDeleteOh Bless you my dad was a very very heavy drinker. He was a Royal Marine Comando & died from dementia a shrunken little man. I do drink quite a bit myself - wine in the eves - but never ever during the day. My ex sis in law is a v heavy drinker too & had been a terible mother to my three nieces.
ReplyDeleteWe are very open with our teenage daughter who had drink at parties but knows the trouble it can bring.
Thank you for telling us - it's nothing to be ashamed of - not your fault - sad for you xx
My brother died from pnemonia a couple of years back: he was an alcoholic. I'm told my grandad was too. Alcoholism touches every family in one way or another. Try not to dwell on it too much.
ReplyDeleteFocus on the positive. Today you had a wonderful Mother's Day and that means lovely memories for you to look back on ... :0)
Happy Belated Mother's Day.
ReplyDeleteI have tagged you-come on over and get it. http://newdaynewlesson.wordpress.com/2010/03/18/there-is-happiness-in-every-day-just-look-for-it/
Aw bless you - Thanks for sharing that with us.
ReplyDeleteIt made me get a but teary x x
Thank you all for your lovely comments. Sorry Cass, that wasn't my intention hun, just feeling a bit sorry for myself. Sue x
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