Before the children I had a good job and was the man bread winner for the household. I loved my job. I had a great social life through the job too. I had Becky in '96 and returned to work when she was 6 months old. Then, whilst I was on maternity leave in 2001 with Alex, the company I worked for for 14 years decided to re-locate and I wasn't prepared to do the daily commute of one and a hours each way to the new premises - especially with 2 small children. So I took redundancy and found a super part time job in the NHS working in a local community clinic supporting a team of health visitors. A lot less money but we managed - somehow. Child care initially wasn't a problem as my hubby worked shift and when I was working my Mum and Mum in law looked after Alex as Becky was at School. In 2002 my hubby became a manager at work - more money but more responsibilities and means he works lates (not home till 10.30pm Mon- Fri and some Saturday days)
In 2004 my Mum passed away and my Mother in law became ill with cancer. Work was very accommodating and allowed me to shuffle my hours around my childcare. By the end of 2006 I started to get bored. The job became too easy for me and there was no room for career progression. In 2007 I found my current job - working as a school secretary. It's great as I work term time so get all the school holidays off. I start work after I've dropped my kids off at school and finish work in time to collect them at the end of the day. Unfortunately, I had to take a cut in salary again even though I'm doing more hours as I don't get paid for the school holidays.
Now don't get me wrong, I love my job. But something is missing, I feel like an incomplete jigsaw puzzle.......I've lost a piece!
I guess many working Mums feel the same. I haven't been out with friends for years, and can count on one hand how many times I've been out with hubby in the last 10 years. I've lost many of my old friends too, as once you have kids yours life goes in a different direction. I've made new friends over the years - but no real true friends.
So all my days are pretty much the same - day in day out.
So I wonder, is this it now? Does it change again as the children get older?
Like I say, I've lost my way a little.
Sue x x x
Even though I don't have children, I totally understand how you feel. I've felt the same way off and on during the last few years too--There are times that it really does bother me, and times when it doesn't. My suggestions, if you are looking for one is to find yourself by rekindling your interest in things that you used to or like to do or challenge yourself by starting something new--Invite those who maybe aren't close friends to lunch and grow your friendships...When I've done this, I've felt a lot better and I hope you do too--Just know you're not alone, we've all been there at one time or another...
ReplyDeleteHey - I popped in to see you and can't believe how sad you sound. I'm so sorry that you feel this way,and hope that you find your way again very soon. It happens to us all at times, and you just have to take stock of your life and see where you can change it - perhaps join a reading club or a cookery class, car maintenance or whatever you fancy, just to meet up with new people and nurture new friendships. Don't sit around thinking about doing it - do it! x
ReplyDeleteNow is a good time to either make new friends or cultivate the ones you do know. Maybe take some fun classes or learn something new. Yes, once the kids get older, things will change and when they leave the nest, they will change again, be prepared - so you won't be bored out of your gourd or feel so lost. You are special and don't you forget it!
ReplyDeleteIt changes beyond belief as the children get older. All I can say is try to enjoy each step of their lives knowing that you are working your way to a destination.
ReplyDeleteWhen they are older and more independent, in small at first unnoticable steps you begin to get your life back. You begin to find yourself, and indeed you begin to find the 'couple' you once were before the children came on the scene.
In the meantime, take time for yourself whenever possible, to do hobbies or just leave the house, well wrapped up and walk. Let the wind blow through your hair, do it alone and you don't have to worry about children being 'tired' or the 'can we go homes nows' that you always get if you are tempted to take them with you. I always found walking, even round and round the little village I lived in when the boys were small the best way to stay sane (and it even burns calories), you come back to the 'same old' but you come back refreshed and able to cope.
Once they have all flown the nest you can re-invent yourself. No dream is unavailable if you want it enough.
Hope this helps somewhat.
Sue xx
I totally understand what you are saying - try not to fret it can & does change !
ReplyDeleteI'm terrified of being an empty nester - I am " Mum " after all but as the kids get older & older you start to change yourself...join clubs & hobbies for yourself & not just taking them to theirs. Go out with your hubby without the children - there comes a time when you can do this & need to re kindle it as when the kids leave home ...well need I say more ?
I encourage my two to help with cooking every now & then as it gives me a break & I know that well - at least they can live off spag bol when they leave home !
Be kind to yourself. All the above comments are right. Invest in yourself now as you have put others first for a long time. They will adapt if you explain how you feel. I had to ( I felt very taken for granted )
I wish you well. Little steps just doing one thing different can give you a huge boost - I'm going to see the Harry Potter film with girl friends tonight - not a child in sight !
Take care of yourself xx